The Tour

Let me be the first to welcome you all to the word factory.  This here is where language is made.  Each of these great machines turns out thousands of letters per day. Oh look, you're just in time to watch the K's roll out!  K K K! Oh boy!  Over there, inspector 11 is in charge of the the.  No teh gets past him when he's on duty!  His wife is pregnant wouldn't you know!  Can't wait to get that baby on the line!  No, that's a joke.  We abandoned child labor years ago.  Terribly inefficient.  Cheap though.  Very cheap.  Watch your step, come this way.  At these tables, new words are coined.  Our most brilliant minds work post-office-style hours to make the slang for the children.  Manually scrambling the letters like that really gets their juices flowing.  I'm sorry, madame, was that too graphic?  What are they working on now?  Looks like "Vlape."  Meaning what exactly!?  That will never stick, guys.  Try again.  Just start over.  Oh how embarrassing!  Not everything they come up with is as brilliant as I give them credit for.  I just say that.  It's positive reinforcement.  Corporal punishment?  Oh, no, we abandoned that years ago.  Too costly.  Gents kept quitting.  We've reached the part of the tour when it is advisable to use the restroom facilities.  Once we move to assembly room 2, I'm glad to say, the excitement makes stopping just torture!  The excitement, and well, the danger.  Oh nothing too serious.  We haven't had a single death since last month!  No, I'm just kidding, no one has died since '97, before we got those new, stricter laws.  The kid deserved it though, bloody little wanker!  Yes, yes now you're catching on!  I tell these jokes to keep it fun.  Fun makes you tip better.  Lord knows I need the money.  None of the other guides tell jokes; they think it distracts from the extraordinary things that go on here.  Me, I figure, a little joke now and then couldn't hurt.  Is everyone back?  A water fountain is on your right if you need it.  No! Sir!  Stay away from that door!  Oh my!  That one too.  Behind there, they are making the world's supply of profanities.  Well, behind that door there, they're making love.  That's enough water.  Time to move on.  Please secure your children.  Let's go!  Quickly please!  This way!